Have you been ghosted by someone you met on Hinge recently? Having an affair and don’t know how to break it to your partner? Afraid of being single forever?
In days gone by you may have written to an Agony Aunt, who would have had all the answers on how to handle your embarrassing, scandalous and daunting dating dilemmas.
Now there’s no reason to cringe while relaying your conundrums as you can simply type your question into a bot and get an instant response – as if written by another person.
This week, a 37-year-old woman from South London admitted she had asked the AI chatbot, ChatGPT, if she should leave her husband of five years and move in with the man she was having an affair with.
MailOnline asked the Artificial Intelligence bot ChatGPT dating dilemmas and compared them with Agony Aunt Juliette Mullen’s advice
After reading the advice from the chatbot she made an informed decision – it was time for a divorce.
ChatGPT launched in November, attracting more than one million users a week after being set up.
Founded by Californian company OpenAI, which lists Elon Musk as one of its founders, the bot has been created to respond to a large range of questions.
Using AI, it pulls information from a huge dataset of 175 billion different sources, including newspapers, research papers and books, to answer all sorts of queries.
It can simulate dialogue, answer follow-up questions, challenge incorrect premises and reject inappropriate requests, generating an eerily human-like text response.
People on social media have now clocked that the free site could be used to help advise them on their love life.
But is it as good as advice from an actual human being?
MailOnline put it to the test, comparing ChatGPT’s responses to advice from Juliette Mullen, a clinical hypnotherapist, mindfulness and Tantra expert.
Somewhat surprisingly, the Agony Aunt’s responses were weirdly similar to ChatGPT’s.
One week after ChatGPT was launched it November it had already attracted more than one million users
People on Twitter have already realised that the AI chatbot could be used to supply answers of dating dilemmas
Should I get back together with my ex?
When asked ‘Should I get back together with my ex’, ChatGPT advised that while it ‘ultimately depends on your individual circumstances’ it is ‘important to consider the reasons for the initial break up’
First thing’s first, there was a reason why you broke up — remember that. You have the answer but may be scared to face it. Sometimes when relationships end, we develop selective amnesia, only remembering the good times and after putting ourselves out there or a few dates, we begin to look back through rose tinted glasses!
Here are some questions you may want to consider with a good friend over a cup of tea!
- Why did you break up?
2. Are you idealising your ex?
3. What has changed that makes you think things will be different this time?
4. What has your ex (or you) done to change the things that weren’t working since the breakup?
5. If trust was broken on either end, can you rebuild it?
I keep getting ghosted by people I meet on Tinder or Hinge. I don’t know what I am doing wrong?
When asked why a person keeps getting ghosted on dating apps, ChatGPT said ‘ghosting can happen for a variety of reasons and it’s not always clear why it happens’
Dating apps and the online space has helped so many of us with connection and relationships, especially during and since COVID. However, it may be that these dating apps are not the place for you.
If you think you’re being ghosted, I recommend sending a message to check in with the other person and see what’s going on. There’s a chance that they didn’t mean to ghost you and will reply with an explanation (which you can choose to accept or not).
Perhaps it’s time to look at your ‘readiness’ to date, is there a pattern for example to these situations i.e. doing too much/ too little/ is your profile just not hitting the spot? While I agree its rude to ghost, the truth is that you don’t know these people so they don’t owe you anything and if this is how they behave, you don’t want to be with them anyway. Take this opportunity to consider what you really want and improve your Tinder and Hinge profile to get more matches.
I am cheating on my partner. I do not want our relationship to end as I love them deeply but my affair is exciting me. Am I a terrible person? What should I do?
When asked what a person cheating on their husband or wife should do, ChatGPT responded that ‘cheating on a partner is to a good thing and it can cause a lot of hurt and pain for everyone involved’
You don’t have to do anything.
Of course it will be more exciting to have an affair- it’s a wonderful secret, just for you, away from the world.
No, you are not a bad person, this is simply a sign that something in your relationship isn’t working. It’s time to look at what that is – sexual intimacy, closeness, communication, what’s missing? You’ll need to address this and discuss it with your partner if you want your relationship to survive.
There may be many great reasons to tell your partner about the affair, and there may also be great reasons not to tell them- you are the only person who gets to decide either way.
Sex with my partner has become boring. How can I spice things up in the bedroom?
When asked how a couple could spice things up in the bedroom, ChatGPT gave a list of ways that things could be made more exciting
Sex is such a personal part of our lives, but it can help us bond and better understand our partners. If you’re feeling bored, speak to your partner and ask for what you want- they won’t know something is wrong if you don’t tell them.
Many people are unhappy with their sex lives but do not be disheartened, there are many ways to spice things up. If the relationship is struggling beyond your sex life, this might call for a little different conversation so start with understanding your own needs and what is working for you and what isn’t before talking with them about what’s going on.
I had sex with my best friend’s ex – should I tell them?
ChatGPT said it is ‘important to consider the potential impact of your actions on your relationship’ when deciding to tell your friend you slept with their ex
Agony Aunt response
Was it a one off and completely done? Is there a chance they are getting back together? You may want to consider this before deciding whether to tell your friend. You don’t need to tell them anything.
But what does this friendship mean to you? Friendships, just like romantic relationships require continued input and investment from both parties to grow and maintain the relationship and they are built on trust and intimacy, especially a best friend where there is shared history.
If you confess, your friend is undoubtedly going to feel betrayed and the friendship may fizzle out even if, on the surface, it seems fine.
My partner of ten years suddenly wants to have an open relationship. Does this mean they don’t want to be with me anymore?
ChatGPT even offered advice on entering an open relationship, adding that is important ‘that you both are on the same page’
No, they have confided in you that they still want to be with you but in an ‘open relationship’.
It is more common nowadays that there are many different types of relationships, and if you’re currently in one that’s committed and monogamous, it is completely natural that you may have questions about how to proceed if your partner wants an open relationship.
Consider what you want and discuss what an ‘open’ relationship means to you both, discuss their reasons for wanting this and come to a conclusion together.
Above all, being honest with yourself and your partner could save you time and heartache in the future or it could open a whole new and exciting world for you both!
Only you can decide what you’re comfortable with.
I’m having sex dreams about a colleague but I am in a happy relationship? Do I need to distance myself from them?
When asked if having sex dreams about a colleague was problematic, the bot said ‘dreams do not always reflect out true feelings or desires’
Is this just a sex dream or do you have feelings for this person? If you truly feel an attraction to this person and don’t want to compromise your relationship, then possibly yes. However, if not and this is just a sex dream, then know that having sexual dreams about someone other than your partner is perfectly normal.
Sexy dreams are a normal part of life, in fact, it’s safe to say that we all have them at some point — some more than others.
‘Dreams can be a way for us to process things in our sleep, in our subconscious that we cannot in our waking, conscious life and we can be tempted to try to work out the literal meaning of them. Instead however, I recommend reflecting on what the emotional need of your sex dream is in your actual day to day life.
If your dreams are disturbing to you, and they seem to be happening often, you may want to see a coach or therapist to work through what’s going on. Otherwise, take a deep breath and consider embracing your sex dreams and using them to learn more about your inner and passionate self.
I am in a very happy relationship but found out my partner has slept with more than 100 people before me. It has made me uncomfortable. How do I get over it and carry on with our relationship?
ChatGPT said that ‘it’s not for anyone else to judge’ someone’s sexual past and it is important to be ‘open and honest with your partner’
Everyone has a past. In our day and age, we just have to deal with the fact that that the person we are with has probably had sex with someone else before us or in some cases, many people. I am sure it’s made them have a few tips in the bedroom to have better sex. The fact that they were honest with you about this is very positive.
In any case, if you want to stay involved with this person, it’s your responsibility to get over it- the reality is its nothing to do with you.
I know it’s not easy to deal with your partner’s sexual past, especially if it’s more colourful than your own and if you’re finding it difficult to get past the jealousy, you’re not alone- perhaps its best to reach out to a friend, coach or therapist to talk it through.
My partner makes more money than me and I resent them for it, even though it is no one’s fault. How can I get over this?
ChatGPT said ‘it is important to remember that money doesn’t define one’s worth as a person’ when asked what to do when one partner makes more than the other
Money and relationships are both complex and intertwined and a lot of people shy away from it. However, for a relationship to work and to achieve true intimacy, trust, honesty and communication is key so sit down and talk about it with your partner and agree a budget and a fair financial contribution.
However, remember that this isn’t everything and it all cannot be measured in material in/outputs. I suggest considering your contributions, other than money. The reality is that both partners contribute in different ways to relationships, such as emotionally and physically around the house, with children or family.
Ensure that you set some time and money away to enjoy as a couple and remember that besides money problems, being transparent can help you build a healthy relationship and financial teamwork in a relationship.
I am very single, but all my friends are engaged and getting married. I now resent going to weddings because it makes me feel even more alone. What should I do?
ChatGPT told a person resentful of their friends getting married to ‘try to shift your perspective from feeling left out to feeling happy for your friends’
As friendships grow, its natural that we all go through different life stages at different times- and this is both healthy and normal.
Focus on yourself, we are not all the same. Everyone’s life has it’s own pace and even though it may seem like you’re being left behind, its not a race. Your life is going the way it should at this time and you will find the right partner when the time is right for you.
Also know that its ok to feel anger, sadness or resentment but don’t set up camp and live there.
Acknowledge and honour these feelings inside you, decide what is important to you and what you want in life and believe that it is coming in the right timing for you. For now, avoid people or conversations that trigger you. Get busy making a life you love- pursue own interests, go places you love, make new friends even! We all have our own life and up to you how you live it.
What’s the verdict?
So, does ChatGTP mean you can finally stop annoying your friends with endless relationship questions, or cancel pricey counselling sessions?
While neither our real-life Agony Aunt nor the AI chatbot had simple, immediate solutions to most of the dating dilemmas, they did have very similar answers.
All answers carefully reflected on considering individual circumstances, thinking through tough decisions and even consulting with a therapist when things are too tough.
But as we know, chatbots can get it wrong, and have been linked to several problems including biases around gender, race and culture.
You don’t want to wreak havoc on your love life just because a machine tells you to – so it may be best to speak to an actual human being.
Those among us who are more shy, however, may find sending a quick message to ChatGTP much more reassuring than spending hours doom-scrolling through Google to try to find long-sought solutions to their woes.
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